I’m driving to Walmart and all I can think about is how I don’t see the point in doing this anymore. It just doesn’t make sense. I haven’t seen the fruit from the seeds I’ve been trying to plant since last year. I should just quit. Stop investing my time and monies trying to build what I believed God placed in my heart. […]
Committing murder doesn’t always render your residency behind steel bars within a state prison. Sometimes that takes place within your heart. Your mind. Your soul. Surrendering to a hopeless sentencing with no acquittal in sight. You’ve tried to kill it off. Bludgeon it to death so that it wouldn’t be able to resurrect and occupy that space that you need to make available for future plans. To God. To the places I pray He will take me to. […]
I have to say these have been a trying couple of weeks! So much so that I have allowed grief to sidetrack me from writing my weekly post! Yes, I’ve kept up with social media but that’s not the same as my blog post. My heart has been in turmoil. It’s been affecting my appetite. My sleeping. All I was able to do was fall to my knees. Desiring something for the last eight years. Finally, I thought it was coming to fruition. My wait is over. My longing has reached its end. Then, as it had surprisingly started, surprisingly it’s gone! Just like that! Perplexed. […]
I found myself facing two choices. Wanting to trust God through both. A web of great confusion and doubt. Either one will certainly deliver a harsh sting. I want to avoid the pain but can’t. It’s inevitable. I think I know what to do, but I don’t. I want to do what is right, but I don’t know what that is. I haven’t been able to discern God’s will for this. Up late at night with lights out. Hoping to hear something on the music station that will enlighten my heart. […]
My head is just all over the place. Thoughts reiterating it’s never going to happen. How do I know what God is doing? All I see is that it has gotten worse. The flesh waging war on my mind. Taking advantage of my vulnerability. Knowing exactly what I need to be said to bring me down on my knees, wondering when? Will You ever show up Lord? I’m unable to affirm His truth by what my eyes sees. By what my ears tell me. By what my hearts feels. The Flesh. […]
My heart’s racing! A feeling I don’t want to remember but unable to forget. But God spoke to me! I know I heard Him say it’ll be over in two years and then He will give me the desire of my heart! As promised, He brought back to me something I’ve long for. I’ve waited obediently. Yet, amid the excitement, fear is crippling my attempts to trust God for what He said He would do. Wondering if I imagined all of this? […]
No matter where I turn, there’s the noise clamoring for my attention. Driving me away from the hope of glory and into the presence of chaos, destruction, division, and hate. As if life hasn’t been and continues to be hard enough coping through the invisible enemy, CoVid-19. Now it a visible foe, hate. Seen everywhere, far and wide! Birthed in the mind and worn on the colors of our skin. The heart in unison with my Pastor, who today shared the sentiments of many others. […]
As I watch the videos across broadcasting stations and social media platforms, I can’t imagine what he thought and feared as he laid there with knees pinning him to the ground. Knowing that death was imminent! What were his last thoughts as he cried out to mama? Were there any regrets of things done and undone? How was he affected by CoVid-19? What were the dreams he desired to live into? What legacy did he leave behind? So many unanswered questions. […]
Opening my eyes to a brand-new day. Although I’d prefer to not think, my mind always raced into the wilderness I’ve been living into for the past five years. It’s been such an arid place that just doesn’t seem to harvest anything but grief. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. It’s toxic and as difficult it has been, I couldn’t muster the strength and peace to tear myself away from it. […]
I was getting sick and tired of him telling me how to live. It’s been eight years since our father has passed and, in my heart, I always knew that the day would come when we’ll no longer have any contact. And that it would be my doing. Because being cut off from those I love had become the norm in my life. […]